Olympics is coming, don't pollute the internet

China's state news agency has released a list of 57 behavioral no-nos for the the public during the upcoming Olympics. And I don't know whether it's just a case of awkward translation by the New York Times or if the Chinese government is actually that awesome. Here's some of the list:

1. Friends, national flag is not a seat cushion
2. The bad habit of speaking loudly should be corrected
3. Unruly noises are not Olympic sounds
4. Garbage pileup after sport event, not a Chinese strong point
5. How hard is it to stand in line in a civilized way?
6. When there's a big meal, there's a lingering problem
7. Be enthusiastic and polite Chinese
8. Olympics is coming, don't pollute the internet
9. When watching sport event, behave well

There's also a set of four publicly supported hand gestures, officially known as the "Olympic Four Step". The government has hired 448 official cheerleaders to teach the Four Step to the 800,000 children around the country who have been brought in as seat fillers for events where they haven't sold enough tickets:



1. Clap twice and chant "Olympics!"
2. Close both fists tight, raise thumb, hold both arms in front and chant "Go!"
3. Clap twice and chant "China!"
4. With both fists closed, raise arms above the shoulder and chant "Go!"

Luckily for the rest of the world, China is allowing fans from other countries to "substitute the name of their favorite athlete or country where appropriate at each event." How democratic of them. But leave your opium and blankets at home. Because drugs and sleeping outdoors are banned at the games.

And what about rain, you ask? Don't worry, they have that covered, too. They're giving the villagers guns. Big ones.

Beixing is one of 21 sites around the capital where the Government has set up man-made hail-prevention and rain-increasing work stations, each with up to four anti-aircraft cannon from the 1960s. They will be backed up by three aircraft, which can also scatter rain-inducing chemicals, and by hundreds of experts who will use radar and other equipment at the Beijing Meteorological Bureau.